When the Addiction is Gone
by NiennaAngel
Summary: Sequel to the nevertobe completed Addiction's Rewards, but makes sense if you read it on its own. MichaelxLee character death


This is an grammar update! I noticed several problems when I re-read this so, being a bored perfectionist, I decided to fix it! 

Okay, I warn you, this is depressing! I'm in a bad mood because my boyfriend left this morning for a two week training session for the army. I'm sad so I decided to write something sad to fit my mood. I hope you'll read it anyway and review.

_blah_ - thoughts

"Blah" speaking

'blah' quote from something that happened before

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Lee stared at the grave as mourners approached and said their final goodbyes before leaving. Some stayed behind not wanting to leave the depressed lion to himself. His love was gone and Lee honestly couldn't see how things would ever be alright again. He could still feel his love's skin against his as they made love. He still felt that gentle caress of fingertips along his jaw line. He still tasted his love's kisses. He could still see his love sitting in front of him laughing. A gentle tug on his sleeve brought him back from his thoughts.

"Daddy, I'm tired." Lee looked down into bright blue eyes and forced a smile. "Are we going home soon?"

"Yes Zhi. We'll be going home in a few minutes. We have to wait until the others say good-bye to Dad first." Lee picked up his son and cuddled him close. He couldn't forget his son and he couldn't allow himself to slip into depression now.

"Lee, are you alright?" Lee raised his eyes from his now sleeping son to meet Judy's eyes.

"I'm fine. I'll survive. I have to. I can't orphan my son. He's lost enough." A strong hand on his shoulder squeezed gently.

"Come on Lee. Let's get you and Zhi home. Miguel, Kai, Bryan and I are all planning on staying with you for awhile until you're back on your feet and decide what you're going to do." The lion looked up at Ray confused.

"What I'm going to do?"

"You're a stay-at-home dad for the most part Lee. You don't work that often and you can't support yourself let alone Zhi on what you've made. I don't know the details about Michael's life insurance, but I don't think it'll be enough to support you either. You have to decide if you're going to work, go back to the Hills or something else. I know that Kai mentioned you could stay with him and Miguel if you wanted to. They both adore Zhi and are thinking about adopting so you wouldn't be a bother or a burden." Ray watched Lee for a reaction out of the lion. Michael had died the week before and it seemed that the only person capable of getting an emotional reaction from Lee anymore was Zhi.

"Let's just go home. Zhi's already asleep and I'd prefer if he slept in his bed instead of on my lap." Lee stood and started towards the limo that would take him, his son and his friends home.

As Lee sat in the limo he looked at his son, his little miracle. With untamed mahogany hair and those baby blues that were currently hiding behind long lashed eyelids he looked so much like the love Lee had just lost. In other respects, however, Zhi looked just like Lee. Zhi had his Daddy's bronzed skin, fangs and identical facial structure. Michael had nearly had a heart attack when Lee confessed the reason he had been feeling ill was because he was pregnant. The lion still felt guilty for thinking that his loving eagle would leave him over it. Lee had assumed that Michael wouldn't want to be with a freak of a man who could get pregnant. It was entirely common amongst neko-jins, but he had never told Michael about it until he was already pregnant. Once Michael had calmed down he had taken Lee into his arms and held him tightly whispering 'I love you' over and over. They had raised their son in New York City so far, but Lee was beginning to think that he would have to leave America and go back to his home village. He didn't like the idea of his son growing up in a place as closed off as White Tiger Hills and was determined to find a way to either stay in the city or at least live in Hong Kong. The only problem was that Zhi was only four years old. He wasn't old enough to stay home alone by a long shot and Lee simply didn't have the money to hire a babysitter.

He gently caressed Zhi's cheek as a terrifying thought crossed his mind. _Maybe Miguel and Kai would raise Zhi. Ray was right. They do adore him and they want to adopt. Then I could be with Michael again._ He shook those thoughts off quickly. Michael would never forgive him for abandoning their son. He needed help he just wasn't sure where to turn.

Zhi was sound asleep in his bed and Lee was sitting in the living room with his four friends. It hurt to see them together with their lovers and know that he could never again be with his own lover. "Lee, why don't you come live with Kai and I? We have plenty of room and you'd have time to mourn your loss. We could watch over Zhi for you. There's no reason for you to go through this alone. You can do whatever you want after that, including staying with us permanently, once you get your head straight. Bryan and Ray only live a few minutes away from us so you'd have friends around besides the two of us. I think it could be good for you to get away from everything that reminds you of Michael."

Lee looked up at Miguel with eyes deader than the four had ever seen them. It scared them, but what scared them more was that they didn't know how to even begin to help him. All they could do was offer a place to stay, help in raising Zhi and a shoulder to cry on if Lee's pride would allow it. Lee opened his mouth to say something and then closed it. He looked down at the table and traced the delicate inlay that Michael had so many times made fun of him for picking out. "I don't know if I _can_ get my head straight. I don't know how to live without him. He was my world. Him and Zhi. They were the only reason I wanted to live my life. I know I have Zhi and that I have to take care of him and raise him to be a man his father and I can be proud of, but I don't know if I can do it alone. I don't know if I can ever look at him and not hurt. He looks so much like Michael. Every single time I look in those eyes all I can see is Michael until he says something and then I'm reminded that it's not Michael. Michael's gone and he's never coming back. I don't how to deal with that. I don't know how to keep living without him by my side."

Tears started to flow which was a relief to everyone at the table. Lee hadn't cried over Michael at all. Ray moved to sit beside his friend and wrapped his arms around his back. Lee buried his face in Ray's shoulder and sobbed. The tiger sighed in relief as he held his friend close and realized that his best friend was finally accepting the fact that his lover wasn't coming back. Lee slowly pulled back and wiped at his eyes. "I'll stay with Miguel and Kai for awhile. I don't know what else to do." That was all the four friends could ask from him, to make a temporary decision, and it was all they would ask of him.

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Okay, now that I have all of my depressing feelings out of the way I feel much better. Please review and tell me what you think. This is a possible sequel to "Love is an Addiction" or it could be an unrelated oneshot. If you want me to make this the sequel let me know although it would probably end up being the either the last or second to last chapter, not the first. Let me know please. Thank you! 


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